Hims & Hers Q3 Earnings: Buckle Up, It's Gonna Be a Wild Ride (Probably Downhill)
So, Hims & Hers Health is dropping their Q3 earnings report. And the geniuses in the options market are predicting a nearly 15% swing. Big whoop. Last I checked, the market predicts sunshine and rainbows every damn day. Reality usually serves up something closer to a dumpster fire. According to Hims & Hers Health (HIMS) to Report Q3 Earnings on November 3. Option Traders Expect a 14.94% Move, option traders are anticipating a significant move in the stock price following the earnings release.
Wall Street's whispering about $580.24 million in revenue. Okay, fine. But are we actually better off with another faceless corporation raking in cash hand over fist by selling us stuff we probably don't need? Seriously, does anyone actually feel empowered by buying "wellness" from a website?
The "Growth" Mirage
Analysts keep throwing around words like "growth" and "expansion." They're drooling over HIMS moving into testosterone and menopause support. Oh, goodie. More ways to commodify basic human experiences. It's like watching vultures fight over a slightly less rotten carcass.
And this GLP-1 "microdosing" thing? Give me a break. It's just another way to hook people on expensive drugs. What happened to, you know, actual lifestyle changes? Oh right, that requires effort. My bad.
TD Cowen's Jonna Kim is "sidelined" on HIMS. Translation: she's too polite to say what everyone else is thinking: this whole thing smells fishy. She talks about "decelerating growth" and "tougher comparisons ahead." Translation: the party's almost over. The core "hims.com" business is "moderating"? Well, offcourse it is! How many hair loss pills can one balding dude buy?
Competition and Regulatory Nightmares
KeyBanc's Justin Patterson sees revenue climbing to $3.34 billion by 2027. He sees "gradual EBITDA margin expansion." I see a guy who's drunk the corporate Kool-Aid. Let's be real, the telehealth space is a goddamn shark tank. Competition is fierce, regulations are a minefield, and HIMS has "limited experience in international markets." That last one's a real knee-slapper. They're gonna waltz into other countries and just... figure it out? Please.
And don't even get me started on the "intense competition, regulatory scrutiny, tough comparisons through Q1 2026 due to previous GLP-1 shortages..." It's like a bingo card of corporate buzzwords designed to scare off investors.
Here's a thought leap. I saw a guy the other day trying to parallel park a freakin' monster truck in a compact space. It was painful to watch. That's HIMS trying to navigate the global market.
The AI Verdict: "Neutral" (aka, "Run for the Hills")
Even TipRanks' AI analyst is throwing shade. "Neutral" rating, they say. But then they drop the hammer: "bearish momentum," "high P/E ratio," "valuation concerns," "high leverage," "cash flow issues." It's like they're trying to be nice while simultaneously waving a giant red flag. So, what's the upside? 3.4% potential? That's less than my savings account.
Wall Street's consensus? A "Hold." Which, in my book, translates to "we're too afraid to say 'sell,' but seriously, get out while you still can."
